Do I really love my partner?

Love is our highest value – yet love is also the source of considerable anxiety.

DO I REALLY LOVE

This post is for those with ROCD and Relationship anxiety*

As humans, we like to put things in boxes. we like to define things with words, meanings and symbols. It helps us reassure ourselves that we’re normal.

These symbols, meanings and words also make us feel that we are not experiencing love the way we ‘should be’. Love has become a construct, it has become romanticized so much we actually believe that the way we love someone will stay the same or should stay the same for the rest of our lives.

Society not so subtly suggests that we must love in a very particular way. Constantly thrilled to see the partner, long to see them, crave to be close to them. The passion,  sexual tension and desire towards an individual will remain from years and years to come.

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We give in to the ideal that we must live in romantic ecstasy throughout our lives.

beautiful in theory? but out of line towards our real experiences of intimacy.

Well, here is a different notion of ‘love’, which actually is not new – but quite old.

Actually I’m talking real old… like ancient greek.

Ancient Greek has four distinct words for love: érosphilía and agápe (there is also storgē – which is more family related)

éros

“love mostly of sexual passion” The powerful feelings we have at the start of the relationship.

philía

Normally translated as “friendship”, though its more deeper than that. Perhaps, companionship? “One might be willing to die for philía.”

agápe

A charitable love. Unconditional love. The love we may feel towards someones character flaws, anger or emotional outbursts. Even though there are flaws of the persons character, we still feel compassion. Like a mother towards her children, or a god towards his children. Or what an audience might feel towards an evil yet damaged character.

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I find these words more sincere than the word “love”, they are real yet they hold a higher value to the romanticized definition of love. Maybe its because love is about acceptance, compassion, loyalty, equality, virtue and familiarity – its not just a feeling it is also the act of understanding a person.

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are you experiencing neediness?

I feel like every post I add the disclaimer “you might not like this post”, honestly I don’t know why I write that because I love everything I write.

I can. I will. I win.

The other day, I got needy. I felt needy, I kind of expressed the neediness, however I am not talking about the action of neediness. Its actually not as harmful as you think, its just if neediness consumes so much of you and your ‘suitor’ it can be extremely unattractive without a doubt. It will sabotage your current situation and it will get out of hand.

PS. You can’t ‘fix’ it with controlling it.

First of all, you’re just a person. You’re going to feel needy. I notice this neediness comes up at a certain point of getting to know a person, it comes up when you are beginning to develop fears.

You’re never safe – no matter how attractive you are, how lovely you are, that person is in the driver seat of you crashing into a big fucking fear.

That person only sits in the driver seat because you want them to be the person driving though.

Most likely you are in the same position for them too, because they want you there.

vulnerability at its finest! 

Human interaction is kind of fucked, you kind of need to play your cards right to be seen as an ideal.

right?

Yeah but also no.

Really, you just need to have faith.

Yep, i said it. Faith. Literally… Faith. The universe, god – whatever.

why? because it is a really useful concept – something out of your control. Having faith means, you have let it go already. Having faith means, you already know you cannot control people and you cannot control every aspect of your life.

It is a concept very successful entrepreneurs use as well. When they face the biggest roadblocks, and disasters – they turn to faith. Having faith means, they already understand that they cannot control the outcome, they can only put in their hard-work, commitment and persistence and BELIEVE it will happen because they believe in themselves, and where they are meant to be.

love and compassion

chloe

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How to be the ultimate heart breaker aka femme fetale

I love it, don’t you? how humans are fascinated and amused by evil. I fucking love it. We’re so bizarre. I love it.

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let me guess – you’re here for one of three reasons,

  1. You’re curious as to whether I am a heart-breaker or some kind of femme fetale. A curiosity I am going to allow to exist.
  2. Or… perhaps, you actually might like to know how you can become a heart-breaker.
  3. Or you’re curious because the title sounds like this could be interesting.

So this post isn’t going to be about me, but it is going to spoon feed those who fit in category 2 and 3.

This post is relevant for those who are females.

*A heart-breaker male usually (not always) has different characteristics.

Okay, so in order to survive in this society… to some degree we have to remain closed off and seem ‘un-feeling’. Unfortunately it is a truth that exists.

In relationships, the opposite is required. To be good at love, affection and intimacy we must choose to have the ability to be vulnerable – to reveal past hurt,  desires, and your tenderness.

But if we aren’t vulnerable… what are we?

Well, two oppositions are: Avoidance (coldness) or Anxious (control)

A heart-breaker, is usually the individual who uses avoidance.

She will remain cold, never need her admirers reassurance, she may cheat to display she doesn’t need her admirer, or to actually get attention from her admirer. Feelings? She’ll insinuate her thoughts are elsewhere.  A heart-breaker gives the impression she doesn’t care for feelings, or feelings don’t matter to her. She might even use the term “I don’t catch feels”.

“feels” = shame.

A heart-breaker or femme fetale, is a fraud however. A fraud to herself.

As in… what she craves so deeply is love and affection. The act of being reserved and cold is the covering of her fear to ask or assert or acknowledge her deepest desires.

Heart breakers aren’t usually heart-breakers, they are scared and under-loved individuals. So if you clicked on this to know if you  wanted to be a heart-breaker, or you are a heart-breaker or resonate with any of this content – you must know.

This avoidance  reflects your disbelief in yourself, and that you need people to believe in you in order for you to believe in your worth and value as a person. However, this is a self fulfilling prophecy and is a catastrophe waiting to happen.

Not with age, but with time we must come to realise that we don’t need people to have faith in our character, because that is a conception that will never be fully fed. What we do need is to have faith in ourselves and who we truly are and what we truly desire is nothing to be ashamed of.

love and compassion,

chloe

ps. check this out:

Tom Rosenthal – She Don’t Care (official video)

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How to ease difficult feelings and emotions

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Someone asked me the other day, How do I ease unwanted feelings.

Okay so first of all, you’re a human! MAJOR congratulations for being a part of the species on Earth that is the most developed in understanding the universe, also destroys rain forests, psychologically manipulates and torments other humans oh and bullshits their way through a social construct to their own  death.

No but seriously. On a tender note, you’re a human. One of the elements of being is that you feel. That is one of the gifts of our conditioning. We empathize, we love, we feel happiness, excitement, pleasure – all those wonderful things. That also means you’re going to feel the uneasy feelings too. All the feelings you feel, are justified and valid human emotions. You don’t need to – and mustn’t feel the need to not value and harness these strong emotions.

ANYWAY,

I dedicated I bit of extra time to this topic to create a free guide for you that may help you with actually easing your difficult emotions. There are healthy ways to do it, and it can help you make your life more productive. Its easy, you can start it immediately and it will help you if you implement the strategy.

Amazingly all I am going to take from you is your name and email, no I don’t send newsletters, and no I don’t really need your name other than I feel it would be nice to be the first woman to take your name. I don’t know why I assumed your name wasn’t already taken?

I just need your email to be able to shoot over your guide. 🙂

So what are you waiting for? Its time to start reading! go go go! It will be emailed to you within 24 hrs. 🙂

ciao. ❤

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Read this if you are afraid of being a bad person

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There isn’t a human on this earth that I have met to this day that doesn’t have a dark side to their character. The trick is to have awareness over your shadow, because avoiding your shadow will push you into the arms of a catastrophic event.

No but seriously, how do I know I am not a self driven, selfish, narcissistic, evil, manipulative, self conscious lumpy human?

“I just want to be good, I just want to be a good person. I also want validation for this.”

Now, I mean I could tell you – Don’t worry baby muffin… you’re a good person now carry on with your day.

Except that wouldn’t open you up to the realistic probability that you have a shadow, and having a shadow is a completely normal part of being.

There is evil in most of us, and I promise you something…

if you are someone who reflects enough to question whether you are a good person or not – you have the consciousness to know that the evil that is within you doesn’t define who you are as a person.

It isn’t the evil that is keeping you trapped from a fruitful life, however the idea and the morality attached to you is what does leave you in some kind of guilt trap.

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