Yep. I am another one, who dropped out. Ah, boy.
No. I wasn’t bored.
No. It wasn’t impulsive.
And yeah… I was an alright student… 😉
Why did I drop out though? Or… why I am choosing to no longer study at University. I completed a year of Psychology, and in that year it became a huge part of my identity that I was someone who studied psychology.
At some point. yes I did want to be a therapist, but I started studying psychology out of fascination of the way people think – not limited to wanting to “help” people. My vision was never the pursuit of helping others. That doesn’t make me a bad person, or even a bad psychology student but realising that has helped me realise that I do not value the degree. I was studying in the present moment out of interest and a thirst to learn, I didn’t have a vision of what I wanted to do. I created a vision of what I could do but ultimately, I felt I wasn’t at my highest potential.
also. I wanted to meet other peoples ideals of me. guilty. Psychology became a role, I played the role well subconsciously. I met up to the ideal of what people thought of me, and that is why people will think I am making the wrong decision by not continuing. Its the ideal, you like and want to protect. I assure you.
Then, like way back in like early September 2016 I started to read into business, entrepreneurship and self mastery. Ever since I was young I had started online projects and even businesses, from a magazine, a fashion label, a youtube channel and then later on.. this project which is my blog. Which, isn’t actually me at my highest potential either.
Realistically, I was young and never used the right mindset in making my projects into something worthwhile. For instance – I was addicted to doing things all on my own. Now I know that you always need a team when you have a vision. i also was all luck and fate when I was younger – I had no strategies. I probably didn’t even know what that word mean’t. honestly.
Now, I am 21 and I don’t want to spend another two years studying. I don’t want to do that. Simple as that. I want to do what I want to do, which is to create and dominate. In all bluntness. The word dominate is a word most people wouldn’t think to describe me, but really I am an extremely competitive, dominating, pushy, confident, creative and artistic woman. I hide most of those things because all of those things… even the creative and artistic side in my lifetime at some point has been told to me is wrong. The dominant and competitive bossy/pushy/cocky side of me has also been shamed too. Maybe because that is more suited to a man. Lets be honest here. Its sexy on a man.
That is not to say I am not feminine, soft, gentle, nurturing, innocent, and accommodating too but… I am also a coin flip of that as well. Most women probably are, actually. I am just deciding to reclaim that part of myself because fuck me, I’ll be dead in 50 – 60 years tops and I don’t really have any desire to be doing anything other than what fuels my fucking flame.
What fuels my flame? Look back up to the bold.
All of this is a risk, of course. You know’ following my heart… I mean, far as I know maybe in 10 years time I’ll be a receptionist behind a counter staring at excel wishing I stayed in university and became a therapist… or a teacher or something.
But ultimately, that doesn’t matter either. Security to me, is a bit of an illusion. Sometimes for freedom, you have to be brave enough to risk your security. I’m a person who is kinda cool with that.
I want you to know though, this blog is not my passion either. I like it, and enjoy it but I am a visionary and I have a thirst and desire to implement my creative skills into inspiration. This blog is useful for what it is to those who gain from it, and I of course am passionate in it but it isn’t my highest potential. What I do wish to create over and over and over again, is something more unpredictable, chaotic and mesmerizing.. I’d hope.
I have an awful habit of keeping my ideas a secret until they are tangible, but that is only because I know ideas lead themselves. Though filming/photography/writing/content is involved I am yet to define what it is.
So ya, I am a uni drop out! And I am super excited for everything else.